There I was, butt-ass naked on an empty construction site. As I was reaching for a replacement pair of underwear in my truck, I could hear giggling and smell burnt macaroni. It seemed that the construction site was a hang out for local teenagers to do whatever wickedness youngsters do these days. I quickly put on my underwear and turned around. About one hundred feet away was a gaggle of six or so girls in their late teens, passing around a joint and laughing.

“Nice ass,” one of the girls said exhaling, a cloud of smoke trailing after her compliment.

“Yeah, nice ass Barney,” another stoned girl added while pointing over at the dripping Purple Dino costume I had draped over my tailgate.

I smiled, waved and started to put on the rest of my clothes. “Thank you. Next show in five minutes.”

They chuckled some more.

“Do you luuuuv us, Barney?” a girl asked while taking a monster hit on the community spliff.

Normally, I would take the time to wring out my clothes after I change, but since I had an audience I did what any out of work actor would do: Perform. I put on my best Purple Dino voice for them and starting singing.

I love you.
You love me.
You’re very high, that’s plain to see.
So take another hit while I wave goodbye to you
I can’t think of anything else so koo koo ka choo.

While they were all laughing, clapping and yelling I loaded my still-soaked clothes into my truck.

I drove by them with my window down and could hear one of them yell, “You’re fucking awesome Barney! Thanks for the show!”

A few miles down the road it dawned on me that any one of them could’ve snapped a cell phone photo of my naked bootie.

My ass better not end up on anyone’s MySpace page. Literally.

I AM a Hollywood Clown

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